There was no storm

I think I'm the kind to expect the worse out of everything.









Even if I'm given an interlude I'm bound to think something bad's going to happen.

Even if nothing was particularly wrong I would think it was wrong.












But in the end, I was wrong.













I was wrong that everything would go wrong.



And that really makes everything alright.















For a long time in a long while, I think I'm feeling more like myself again.



And that was thanks to a day of food, card games and smiles.




And for that, I'm thankful.

I can safely say, there's no more storm.



I found this song on youtube. There really is one heck of a song database :) Damn nice song, with lots of touching emotion

bye bye
to my dear seniors

I don't care

you know, I've been hearing that a lot recently.

Heard it said by my younger brother when I reprimanded him for bad behavior.

Heard it said(well saw it written on an MSN page) by an 11-year-old girl who had a potty mouth.


Heard it uttered by another junior of mine, when she was in a pinch.




You know, I think i heard it all from the younger generation.

"I don't care if i fail my exams."

"I don't care if you're scolding me."

"I don't care if you don't like me."

"I don't care if i don't go to school."

"I don't care if you don't let me do this."

"I don't care if I'm like this."

"I don't care."

"I don't care."

"I don't care."

I can't help but feel amused and slightly apprehensive about that.




Let's take a look at this issue from an 'eye for an eye, tooth for tooth' ideal.

If you don't care, then i don't care whether or not you are being fed, being taken care of properly, that you're living in the same environment, whether or not you're living and breathing, whether or not you're happy or sad, .

You wouldn't mean a single dime to me.

Because simply put. If you don't care, then what gives you jurisdiction to think that we must care for you?


Why would your parents care?

Why would your teachers care?

Why would anyone care?


'I don't care', isn't something that should be said lightly.

Thank heavens Mahatma Ghandi came up with 'an eye for an eye makes the world go blind'.

Cause really, if there was no care, then no one would live.








If the politicians didn't care, we'd be in deep sh@$.


If the environmentalists didn't care, we'd have no planet to live in.


If the teachers didn't care, no one gets taught.


If the society didn't care, we are going to have a spiking crime rate.


If everyone didn't care, we wouldn't even be in the 21st century(after all, i don't care if i live in a cave).







Something uttered by someone so young, more so since the future generation that will succeed us and supposedly bring about a new legacy. They don't give a damn whether they've done something wrong be it in the eyes of law and the eyes of the public and the eyes of their family.

They just don't care.

Frankly, that disgusts me. This don't care-ish attitude. Makes me want to go to that child with a bar of soap and wash out their mouths.





Know why?

People murder because they don't care.

People steal because they don't care.

People cheat because they don't care.

People become monsters when they don't care.


It makes me see, that these people are already beaten before they even started, that they won't bring change, that they are going to be the contributors to the downfall of society. It's the people that are thinking of this kind of logic now that is beginning to destroy our world. All we're doing is increasing the rot by letting our children think that way.








Parents really should drive the point home that you can't say 'I don't care'.

Pull the wool out of their ears and the cotton in front of their eyes. Pound it into them that yes, they should care.

Because really, don't you think its disheartening?
Hearing them say they don't care that our world is falling into pieces.
After all, you care don't you?








Be glad that I still care whether or not you're going to grow up right.


Someone has to care.

'Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not.'~Dr Seuss~

The Calm Before the Storm

It's peaceful now.


All my pre-occupations are finally done and dealt with. All of them cleared and stacked in neat little boxes to be storaged somewhere in the crevices of my mind.

MPS is done and over. I've finally reached a post-withdrawal stage where I can safely talk about it without breaking into an anxiety attack. There is Hi-tea and gift presenting tho( I think I'm going to have another attack).

Anxiety attacks and high stress levels don't seem to help me much.



Just makes me more muddled.


Just makes me eat less.


Just makes me come down with strange diseases(shingles/'ular')





There's quite a calm in my other arena too.



Not debating and concentrating back on school life is helping me re-assimilate with normal society.


Now I just have to start re-learning the speaking skills I used in debate and mix it with normal conversation. If that's possible.



There is a saying though. The calm comes before the storm.



I can see the storm ahead of me somewhat.



Work load re-piling up.


Exams.


Skimping on school work.


Messing up some other project.




I'm going through a laze faze now, more likely due to the fact my brain's shutting down after 6 months of worrying and working. I don't exactly know how long it takes to get out of laze fazes but I'm going to do it while it lasts.


Even though there's going to be a storm after the calm, it's still nice to enjoy the calm that is now. Looking at my future and screaming and tearing my hair over it will kill me in the end. May as well make sure that before my death I live a satisfying life.


As dire and depressing as it sounds, it's reality.


No point in looking the other way and hoping it misses you. Because it's looking and staring right at you, reality. And the only way to properly deal with it, is to stare it in the eye, and still live your life the way you want to.


Now if only I can master that.


Staind-Reality


We have to start accepting reality, before it destroys us.

Zetsubou(despair)

I'm in despair.

A simple line that has only one meaning.


Simply put, I'm upset, distressed and anxious over a certain matter.






The reasons and actions afterwards are many.

After all, one can do many things in despair.
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Reason 1: I'm upset over something that happened in the real world.

Reason 2: Someone's upset has made me upset.

Reason 3: I'm upset with myself.

Reason 4: Someone I know has died.

Reason 5: Someone I know is leaving the country.

Reason 6: I have been retrenched from the work force, and lost everything to debts.

Reason 7: My boyfriend/girlfriend dumped me.

Reason 8: I had a bad day.

Reason 9: There is no more meaning to life.

Reason 10: I have an anxiety/depression disorder.

ETC, ETC, ETC, ETC, ETC, ETC.
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Possible outcome 1: Depression.

Possible outcome 2: Suck up and carry on with your life.

Possible outcome 3: Put on a false front and start stabbing behind people's backs

Possible outcome 4: isolation from society.

Possible outcome 5: Giving up.

Possible outcome 6: Suicide.

Possible outcome 7: Making everyone else in your life miserable.

Possible outcome 8: Gain harsh and unbending views about life.

Possible outcome 9: Nothing will change.


ETC, ETC, ETC, ETC, ETC, ETC, ETC.












In the end, despair will always somehow appear, so a reason and outcome is always there. What you are upset and afraid about is so subjective if I tried to predict every single reason of sadness and the outcome of it I'd have to scan through heaven knows how much neutron signals that run through a person every second. A gargantuan task that would even fry a super computer. The only people that know yourself is you. And your despair is your own.





However, someone once told me this: "you have the right to be stupid, but we also have the right to point out you are stupid."

Using the logic of the right of another person, I can also say this."I have the right to feel despaired. It's also my right to tell and let other people know and feel my despair"


After all everyone has rights.





And my 'right'at this moment, is to tell you all simply.


I'm in despair.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei

a bit of anxiety and boredom

goes a long way

Manic Street Preachers-From Despair to Where