Withdrawal Syndrome

I think I going through a withdrawal syndrome.

Like I don't want to think about stuff I used to think about a lot because I feel like something's gone horribly wrong. With what I don't know.

I don't feel like doing the things I used to do because I feel like I've been following the routine for too long.

I don't feel as sociable and cheery and confident as I used to.

I wasn't very like that in the beginning anyway. It just somehow feels like its gotten worse.

It's like I'm getting the yips all over again.

Like I'm afraid of something.

I just don't know what.

Or maybe I'm not admitting to myself what I'm so afraid of.

I'd rather not admit it to myself.

After all, who likes to wake up one day from a paradise and learn that in reality it is the end of the world?

Well, my case isn't THAT drastic.

It just feels like I want to stay in my ignorant, carefree shell for just a while longer.

I know that if I stay in there any longer I'm going to face hell once I come out. But I'd rather live with just a bit more of unjustifiable, selfish calm before having to face the dragons and lions and all that are baring their teeth at me.

I want to live for just a while longer feeling like there's nothing to worry about.

Because I deserve a little shred of unjustifiable calm as well.

I fervently wish though that when i come to my senses all in the world is righted without me having to lift a finger, but it's all just wishful thinking.

But then, everyone wish that the world will be alright the day we wake up, don't they?

I need a change of pace

and a thunderbolt to strike me awake

The PC and me

I've recently went through several heart palpitations over the hunk of metal called my PC. Installing a new graphics card has caused both me and Tien Yi much heart ache. And now after some research over some problems I've been having with the PC (another round of heart stopping events happened that I'd rather not go into-something to do with pci.sys and 'PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA), I've finally found out my RAMS could be well busted(faulty in techno terms). I don't know whether or not I wan't to spend money(RM 40) for RAM tho. Sad la, my RAM is a low yah one(a DDR version for those that now ur PCs).

I wish for a new CPU, but that would mean losing my info and not getting a digital camera (finally!). Only if the motherboard crashed for good or the hard drive ran its last laps can I ask my mum for a spanking-new CPU(we've had ours since 2000 i think).

I didn't finish my literature homework this afternoon like i planned.

Instead i slept the entire afternoon away again.

I'm having a mental slump somewhere in my brain.

I don't dare go upstairs to get my pen drives because I'm afraid of the PC dying on me all over again.(It loves to die on me now when I'm not using it for more than half an hour)

And now my hand is starting to ache because of the 100-push-up-exercises we did in karate.

Life's just simply peachy isn't it?

I wish i struck gold

(about RM2000 actually)

so I can get a new CPU and a new digital camera.

A father to a son

Something touching I saw on Oprah. Really makes you see that there are some really wonderful parents in the world in the midst of all these abusive parents you see on the papers.

My Small Narrow World

For the first time in a long row of nights, I'm actually feeling sleepy on a Saturday night that I get to use to computer till the late hours of dawn.

And I took an afternoon nap for 2 hours too.

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Trying to blog when you are closing to half-asleep is a bit like trying to push through a fog. You can see, but you can't see; you can think, but you can't think-kind of feel.

I wonder how people can think of stuff to blog about at close to every single day of your lives. After all, most days in your life compromise of boring, generic stuff.

For example:

'at 2 in the afternoon I MET Q. SO HOT :3 Hope he invites me to dinner, but he didn't today. Sigh :( He's so hot XD

blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah'

And not just one day. EVERY DAY of this same kind of gushy material.

Now that's a royal bore.

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Everything can be a royal bore actually.

For example: I'm finding the internet a royal bore because i have nothing i want to do on the net. And they say the net is suppose to be the 'World-Wide-Web', which brings to mind having lots of stuff to do, after all it's 'World-Wide'.

But then people restrict themselves on what to read and what to d0 on the net based on their own preferences.

So a door that may seem infinitesmally wide will somehow or the other shrink to the size of a cat door because of the amount of brick, red tape and barriers that we put up oursleves.

I'm doing that right now, just like how millions of internet users are doing now.

If I hypothetically, 0ne day, decide to visit any kind of website, be it about tuberculosis or a game site or a porn site(that's a bit bad of me, but it's about not caring for boundaries so) I more likely will have not enough time on the net to read everything and do everything.

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

read

The sleep's muddling my brain.

There's a point to all of my rambling above, though most likely its a bit messed up.

The world isn't small. It's just our pitiful mind that is.

Small and narrow-minded, that's what humans are.

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There really is no point in me bringing up all this, except for the fact my narrow scope of mind has interpreted that I have nothing else left to do online except blog.

So blog it is.

Now allow me to return to my narrow virtual reality.

as i said

it's the lack of sleep