Like I don't want to think about stuff I used to think about a lot because I feel like something's gone horribly wrong. With what I don't know.
I don't feel like doing the things I used to do because I feel like I've been following the routine for too long.
I don't feel as sociable and cheery and confident as I used to.
I wasn't very like that in the beginning anyway. It just somehow feels like its gotten worse.
It's like I'm getting the yips all over again.
Like I'm afraid of something.
I just don't know what.
Or maybe I'm not admitting to myself what I'm so afraid of.
I'd rather not admit it to myself.
After all, who likes to wake up one day from a paradise and learn that in reality it is the end of the world?
Well, my case isn't THAT drastic.
It just feels like I want to stay in my ignorant, carefree shell for just a while longer.
I know that if I stay in there any longer I'm going to face hell once I come out. But I'd rather live with just a bit more of unjustifiable, selfish calm before having to face the dragons and lions and all that are baring their teeth at me.
I want to live for just a while longer feeling like there's nothing to worry about.
Because I deserve a little shred of unjustifiable calm as well.
I fervently wish though that when i come to my senses all in the world is righted without me having to lift a finger, but it's all just wishful thinking.
But then, everyone wish that the world will be alright the day we wake up, don't they?
I need a change of pace
and a thunderbolt to strike me awake
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